About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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