I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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