I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
