I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
