I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
