so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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