the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
