His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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