So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
