that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
