I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
