Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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