You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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