She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
