i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I just shit out all my problems.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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