You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
