we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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