she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
