At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
