After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize