I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
