you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
