Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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