Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
