Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
