at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
