you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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