I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
