Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
