i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
