I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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