I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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