I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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