So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
