also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
