Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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