is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
