She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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