I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
