I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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