That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
