I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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