Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
