My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
