i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
