it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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