God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize