I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
