so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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