areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Its about making memories worth repressing
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
