You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
