Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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