so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
