My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
