i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
