I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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