her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
