the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize