i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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