yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
