I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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