If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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