Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize