1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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