Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
